11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
It’s doubtful you will find much on this list that surprises you, but here goes (in no particular order):
1. People who say “PIN number” and “ATM machine.” I suppose it’s just the journalism major in me coming out, but it’s redundant to say “number” and “machine.” PIN stands for “personal identification number,” and ATM stands for “automated teller machine.” PIN number is like saying, “personal identification number number,” and ATM machine is the same as saying, “automated teller machine machine.” Don’t.
2. Parents who allow their kids to run around restaurants. These are the same people who will wonder why their children are so disrespectful as teenagers.
3. Supposedly concerned citizens who never vote. If you don’t vote, you don’t get to gripe. You get what you get, and you don’t pitch a fit.
4. Useless meetings. If we need to meet, by all means, let’s do so. We can set forth an agenda, stick to it and leave in a timely manner with assignments which need to be accomplished before the next meeting. If we are meeting just to say we met, cancel. I could spend the time I’m wasting in the meeting actually getting some of the work done from other, more productive meetings.
5. (And while we’re speaking of things that need to be done in a timely manner) Use of the word “timely” as an adverb. I don’t care that the dictionary says it’s an approved usage. Saying you “did that timely” is awkward, so stop.
6. People who revel in being the first to share bad news. Facebook is surely the arch nemesis of these folks – someone will almost always beat them to be first in line to spew negativity, and they don’t get to be there in person to see the eyes of the people they are telling. I used to work with a woman who had a sparkle in her eye and a song in her voice when she got to be the one to tell something bad. What is so enjoyable about being the bearer of bad tidings?
7. Being told I’m crazy for not liking mashed potatoes. I don’t like them. I never will. They have a pre-chewed consistency. Yes, I like other things that are squishy, and, yes, I understand that makes no sense. Now stop talking about mashed potatoes before I throw up.
8. Larger clothes that only come in Mam-ma couture. I’m big – I’m not a grandmother. Why is it that if you are anything above a size 12, clothing companies assume don’t want to look fashionable? I may not be in my 20s or even my early 30s, but I do not wish to wear something that looks like I borrowed it from my Mam-ma’s closet.
9. Fast food workers with chips on their shoulders. It is not my fault if you are unhappy with your Life’s choices. You accepted a job where your only goal is to serve the customer, and that’s me. I have been nice to you. I expect the same in return. If I order a large drink, I expect a large straw. Please do not hand me a kid’s straw, expect me to make it work and look at me like I’m crazy when I ask for a different straw. Oh, and while you’re at it, make my kid’s burger AGAIN. She doesn’t like cheese, and I told you that when I ordered.
10. People with no table manners.
Dear person making all the noise while eating,
Chew with your mouth closed. Always. If you choose not to, I will choose to get my meal and leave the immediate area. Do not be offended. It’s a much better option than digging your smacky little tongue out with a rusty spoon and feeding it to the neighbor’s dog who, by the way, has better manners.
With as little respect as I can muster,
Since I do not hide who I am or what I believe, I suspect not a single one of these things was a surprise to you, girls. You probably already know your mama is the conductor on the crazy train 99% of the time.
Hop on for the ride any time you like. All three of you have some part of me in you, and I can’t imagine you haven’t picked up a few of my quirks.